Striped Toe Socks

This has been the hardest year of my life. The great joy of finding myself pregnant after our first month of really trying and the great sorrow of losing the baby. I nearly lost my Mom as well and I don't think I could have survived both. But, of course you never really know how strong you are until you face the worst. It also brought me great joy in my new friendships with my knitting girls. I couldn't have gotten through the last year without that group and the truly special people in it. I learned a new found depth of closeness with J, I know that we can survive tragedy and come through it better. I can't say it was all some good learning experience. I'm harder, bitter and my faith has some solid cracks in it. I hope those things soften in the next year. I hope for, well, I guess I hope for a lot.

To feel refreshed with my education and to have a renewed yearning for knowledge.

To feel like myself again.

To have deeper, more meaningful relationships, even when that means I have to pick up the phone to do it.

I hope to be better, stronger, happier, more at peace than I was this year. And I hope to worry about all those things a little less and just be happy with what I have, where I am.

Not doing to badly, but still feel the anxiety of impending festivities.

~Presents, all purchased AND wrapped. Yay for me.

~House, mostly clean. This one is stalled due to the fact that I am a messy cook, so I know there will be last minute cleaning of the kitchen.

~Light, not up, husband still living. For now.

~Curtains, purchased (thanks Mom!) and up.

~Grocery list made, shopping this evening.

27 and one half hour to Christmas Go Time.

(No yarn or cameras have been purchased)

When J and I went to see the newest Bond we were making fun of all the teens there to see Twilight. It had taken Bond's spot on the biggest screen. South Park spoofed vampire wannabe kids and it was hilarious. Needless to say, I wasn't into Twilight, despite my love for Buffy/Angel and other vampire genre. So when my MIL suggested going to see it I agreed, but not with enthusiasm.

I liked it, a lot.

Don't get me wrong, it is full of angst. It is also full of sexy vampire hormone driven teenagers. Kind of hot. Really hot.

There was really good knit wear. Bella's mitten, that had already been in my queue, are movie dupe's.

I'd even see it again.

I wish I could say I have outgrown fits of temper driven crying emotional outbursts.

I haven't.

Can I blame the lack of Lexapro?

Or I am I just a spoiled child inside?

Some might call this a "to do" list, but I don't like those.

~Present for my FIL, plan, buy coffee at Boston Stoker today when out with Mom. (also tell Mom how good Madame Peanutbutterflies are and suggest she, we, have one)

~Purchase final touch to MILs gift, she reads this sometimes, so not talking about this one.

~Clean house, company clean.

~Decide what I'm making for Christmas Eve, make grocery list and go to store. Hey, Lisa, want to go to the store?

~Figure out what to get my niece.

~Purchase bottle of gin for Dad. J will most likely do this one.

~Wrap gifts, oh and find/purchase gift wrap or bags.

~Find (and put up) cheap curtains for kitchen.

~Kill husband if light fixture in kitchen is not installed by Wednesday.

~Talk self out of buying this camera. Damn it, the price went up!

~And this yarn.

Ugg.

I haven't done this in far too long.

~Friends

~J, who called half a dozen times throughout the day while he traveled. (love this!)

~Christmas with the whole family (except Camron, but I'll take what I can get) for the first time in years.

~My Dad, Mom and I are super close and my Dad is easy to overlook.

~All the technology that keeps us close to those we love. Whether it's planes to take us to them or phones so we can hear their voices, we are really blessed.

~Sock knitting!

I liked Emily's heart today, so I thought I would find one of my own.

Last night my family took a tour of the Huffman Historic District. A Christmas tour of historic homes has been on our seasonal "to do" list for years and this is the first time we've actually done it. The tour was very informative and fulfilled the inner voyeur. I really admire people who are willing to let strangers go through their home for a weekend. Several even had snacks set out for us. The last house (pictured below) had a delicious dessert buffet and the added bonus of touring the, still in renovation, carriage house. I'm hoping these people will adopt me and let me live in the carriage house, two story beamed ceilings, perfect kitchen and a master suite are enough to keep me happy.

The only thing that I didn't enjoy was the over the top Christmas, and sometimes bizarre decorations throughout some of the homes. I understand trying to replicate the Victorian era style, but in many homes it was a distraction from the architecture, woodwork, and stained glass windows that I was most interested in.

The best part of the tour was the restoration of the closely knit community William Huffman intended when he founded this neighborhood in the 1800's.


St. Paul United Methodist Church (1883)


This church was used as a shelter during the 1913 flood.



My MIL, Mom and Dad

Friday started out pretty tough. I had spent the day with my Mom, which was good, but when I got home at 4, J was there, not good. He used to work 50-55 hrs a week, oh the glorious overtime! Not so much anymore. The last few weeks he has been lucky to get 40 hrs in and it's starting to hurt in the money, worry and male ego departments. It just makes me angry how people are being hurt by others mistakes. I was pretty angry on Friday and very worried, so much so I thought/think we should stop trying to get pregnant for a few months and see how things are then. At this point I just don't know what to do on that one, J says we'll have nine months to prepare for that and not to worry so much. Thankfully, I have until next month to think about it.

Saturday I woke up in a complete funk. I had a hair appointment, that had been scheduled months ago. I felt pretty bad spending that money, but it turned out to be good to get out. J spent that time going to my Mom's new office and fixing her computer, money in the pocket and after they were done, they did a little shopping together. I love that my Mom and husband love each other. We both came home in a more relaxed mood and settled in for a long nap. In the evening we baby sat Joy's twins. J did really well, despite his fleeing before diaper changing time.

Sunday we had lunch plans with our family at Dewey's Pizza. We were planning on a late lunch and arrived about two, only to discover Dewey's opens at 4pm on Sundays. We headed back to Kettering and went to El Torro instead. Alex brought his girlfriend, this is only the second time I've met her, but I like her, very cute and sweet. He's really happy with her and it makes me happy to see him this way. It was Knit Night, but this time on Far Hills. I was a little nervous about branching out, but I think it will be good. The first night went really well and the new location brought some new people. I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes.

The Christmas knitting needs to get kicked up a notch if I want it to be done by Christmas. So instead of working on any of it, I started a sweater for Molly. Does it count if I give it to her for Christmas?

I've been working with the alpaca/angora blend I bought at the farm last weekend. It flows through my fingers like silk. I'm making a very simple shawl for my Mom. It seems almost too simple, it's not lace or anything. I know there are beautiful, complicated patterns out there and I'm sure they are worth all the work, but they, at this stage, aren't for me. They aren't really who my mom is either. The shawl, I think and hope, is very true to who she is. It is light, soft, strong and full of comfort. It's pure pleasure knitting. Hobby or not, knitting is not always a pleasure. The size two needle shaped indention and blister that followed too much sock knitting was not pleasure.

I hope she likes it.