Striped Toe Socks

I've had trouble writing this today, I think my thoughts are so scattered. My mother in law is home to stay after being gone for four years. I have been pretty nervous about her homecoming. She has in the past mentioned my weight, been demanding of J and blamed him for things that weren't his fault. We love each other a lot and both families are close. Sometimes that feels like too much. I wouldn't change it, but it has been hard to remain close while still having the boundaries of our own little family. J and I are a much tighter unit than we have been before. We have both grown and losing the baby and trying to get pregnant again has strengthened us, but still I'm afraid. I want to remain close, but find balance and balance is always hard for me. It's so good to have her home and I want it to stay that way.

This blog feels unfinished, because it really is. We will establish new patterns and relearn the old ones that work. I'm hoping that things won't be as intense as they have been in the past. D is here to stay. There isn't the same rush to fit everything into a few weeks. I'm hoping that will take some of the pressure of for everyone.

I'm sure this won't be the end of these rambling thoughts.

Labels: Family

~The weekend is coming!

~J

~The sunshine that fills the living room every morning.

~My niece Christina.

~Electricity.

We were so blessed this week during the storm. My in laws house had power, and since they live in CA, we were able to save our food and stay there the last few days. It was a pretty strange experience though.

When we first got married we lived in that house and through some poor choices and things out of our control we lived there both with and without J's parents for a little over a year. It was a pretty difficult time. There where good times also of course, but going back there brought a lot back. There is something so sad about that house, there always has been. Now it was like stepping into a home that people had simply walked away from. This would be in part because my brother in law lived there until last month and he seemed to have just packed his clothes, his giant TV and left. There was old food in the fridge, moldy bread on the counter, a bag of candy abandoned on the coffee table. I was reminded of I Am Legend or any other post-apocalyptic film. (The zombie like person I saw only added to the image)

Emily and my parents came over Monday night for hanging out and movie watching. I'm so glad they did. J had plans to go to Indiana that night and I was creeped out being alone in that house. We had lots of fun and I got the chance to see Emily's favorite movie, Sliding Doors, which I loved. Great pick Emily!

All in all I was pretty lucky this week and I know that, but I am SO glad to be home.

How can such deep-imprinted images sleep in us at times, till a word, a sound, awaken them? ~ Lessing

How can such deep-imprinted images sleep in us at times, till a word, a sound, awaken them? ~ Lessing

How can such deep-imprinted images sleep in us at times, till a word, a sound, awaken them? ~ Lessing

I started classes again after almost six months of not really thinking about school beyond anything more than a distant memory or distant future concept. I think I did this during summer break as a child as well. The time to go back was just an idea that I pushed aside in favor of playtime. Alas, playtime is over. I am taking Abnormal Psychology, Intermediate Algebra and Interpersonal Com. I love hearing about all the crazy people in the psych class. On the first day we heard about a Crazy Cat Lady, a guy who laughed at the funny voices in his head, and Ohio native Billy Milligan. The math class is ok, but it is such a struggle for me that even under the best circumstances, it's, well, awful. Adjusting to a new, much busier schedule is good, although I feel like I have been super busy and yet have gotten nothing done. there you have it, I guess.

I desperately need to work on the Central Park Hoodie, now that the weather is getting cooler I wish it was done. Since I had to pull out the finished back I am starting over with one front done and the other close to being done. I guess that's something. The "Cherry" Dumpling is waiting to be embroidered. The lacey ascot is about five inches along and it's lovely. I started working on a cabled bag this week, why you ask yourselves? Cast on/Can't finish anything itis.

Today I met Emily, Lisa and Lisa's son Alex. My brother Alex decided to join us as well. It was a nice mid week pick me up. We hit Target after lunch and Lisa put a gun to my head and forced me to add a jacket to my collection. I'm unsure if I'll keep it, so we shall see.

Boring post over.

~My family and friends, like Emily they are always on the list.

~After a week of cast ons and rip outs I started two projects I actually like.

~AC

~J and I saw the wife of an old friend last night. The husband is away at Basic Training, and her computer wasn't working so J needed to take a look at it. The funny thing was, she isn't our friend, she hasn't ever been a very nice person. None of this guys other friends would even return her phone calls for help. That made me sad for her, she's thin, has fake boobs, therefor a Barbie like body, but she is sad and lonely now because her looks haven't gotten her anywhere. J reminded me of how much I have when I was complaining about how great her figure is. I have a wonderful husband, friends, and an expanding education. If I needed help I have a lot of people who would be there for me.

I made this over the weekend when my family came over for dinner. I was impressed with myself and it got rave reviews. I think it's kind of cool that I found the recipe at a knitting blog. A happy mix of two things I love, food and yarn.

In the intimate moments before sleep last night I was loning for some of the pillow talk of the ealry stages of our relationship when we would play the Future Game. So I asked J, "where do you think we'll be in seven years?" He mumbles sleepily "God knows, but someplace." Humph. "Aww, come on, play along."

He wasn't playing.

I think it's all the Emily and Matt stuff that has me thinking about how relationships start and change and all that energy at the beginning, when you are testing the waters and always wondering what the other person is thinking. I've been a little hard on J because of it. I don't think you can ever recapture those early moments. Life just isn't like that. We can't go back to when we didn't know each other, when everything was still a mystery. We have years of love, loss, shared moments of time that have brought us to where we are today. I think too much power is placed on the early times. Those aren't the times that create a life, they are just a shaky start.

We don't play the Future Game anymore because we don't need to. We're sure of each other, we don't need to test the waters of what the other person wants in the coming years.

It's a trade off, but I'll take it.