I've had trouble writing this today, I think my thoughts are so scattered. My mother in law is home to stay after being gone for four years. I have been pretty nervous about her homecoming. She has in the past mentioned my weight, been demanding of J and blamed him for things that weren't his fault. We love each other a lot and both families are close. Sometimes that feels like too much. I wouldn't change it, but it has been hard to remain close while still having the boundaries of our own little family. J and I are a much tighter unit than we have been before. We have both grown and losing the baby and trying to get pregnant again has strengthened us, but still I'm afraid. I want to remain close, but find balance and balance is always hard for me. It's so good to have her home and I want it to stay that way.
This blog feels unfinished, because it really is. We will establish new patterns and relearn the old ones that work. I'm hoping that things won't be as intense as they have been in the past. D is here to stay. There isn't the same rush to fit everything into a few weeks. I'm hoping that will take some of the pressure of for everyone.
I'm sure this won't be the end of these rambling thoughts.