Striped Toe Socks
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Oh, the judging
Why haven't I finished school? Had a baby? Lost twenty pounds?
Do I even want to see any of these people?
I can tell myself they won't be judging and comparing, but thats a lie. I would be!
It's not like I was popular then and I'm not now. I've only recently added some great friends to my life.
It's not that I think my life is bad, I like my life, (mostly) so why do I feel like I fall short (and fat) of everyone else?
I felt the same way in HS. I wasn't in the "in" crowd. I wasn't even close. My family wasn't as wealthy as a lot of other people. I never knew the right thing to say. Well, that one hasn't changed. I hated school. Even to the few people I might want to see I wouldn't know what to say.
Why am I letting all those bad feelings still haunt me? Why do I bother with the comparisons? And why am I so darn hard on myself?
Have I really changed? Or am I still fifteen and feeling never good enough? Who the hell cares if some girls thighs are smaller than mine, so what? Does that make her better? HELL NO! So what if other people make more money or seem to have a "perfect life"?
Ok, I care, but I need to stop.