Striped Toe Socks

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Trying to Have Faith

Growing up I was taught to trust God. That He was always in control and there was a grand plan. The last year has, one piece at a time, picked at the foundation of said faith until I feel like there is nothing left. I realize it's a lot of self pity and "why me" that has brought me to this point. The losing of faith has just added to the pity party already going on. Last week J lost his job, so yay cake at the pity party! But I'm not bitter, I'm really not. (no sarcasm) Granted it hasn't even been a week yet, so I'm not saying it won't happen, but right now I'm ok. That makes me proud, even if it is unrelated to any higher power. I still don't know where I stand on that one. I am grateful that J got some freelance computer work to do today. The Christian part of me should be saying, see God provided work. I guess it's a start to not scoff at it right off.

It seems so naive to me to think there is a mighty being with his finger on my husbands job, but that was what I used to believe. The loss of faith feels so foreign that I don't know where to put those feelings.

So I'm putting them out there in the blogosphere.
posted by Ginny at 1:43 PM

2 Comments:

Oh Ginny - I'm so sorry to hear about the job situation! I wish I had some words of wisdom - you seem to have a much better handle on it than I would. I wish him good luck in finding work soon - and strength to both of you!

May 6, 2009 at 8:03 PM  

I have faith that this will all work out. I just know it will and you guys will come out the other side in a much better place. Faith is hard to have in times like this but I think it's also the most important time to have it.

May 7, 2009 at 10:46 AM  

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